DITTIES – ENGLISH-RELATED

 I have set up this page to share with you a few of the playful English-related ditties I have penned (some specifically for Twitter).

Tweeting under Grammar is fun!@AnnaNolan19

 

Greengrocer’s apostrophe

Yesterday, I saw an ad

Which was really, really bad;

I stood gawping in a trance:

‘Car valeting – cars and van’s’!

 

‘Less’ versus ‘fewer’

Gets me going, I confess,

When I notice ‘ten or LESS’;

‘Ten or FEWER’ – pretty please:

Items, men or bumblebees.

 

‘Practise’ versus ‘practice’

If you PRACTISE – with an ‘s’ –

What will happen? Have a guess.

You are right – oh joy, oh glee –

You’ll get PRACTICE with a ‘c’.

 

‘Advise’ versus ‘advice’

Let me offer you a prize

For the ‘s’ in verb ADVISE,

Which is neither smart nor nice

When it’s used in noun ADVICE.

 

‘Like’ versus ‘as if’

Let me issue an injunction:

LIKE is never a conjunction;

We should use AS IF instead:

“It does look AS IF he’s dead.”

 

‘Doubt that’ versus ‘doubt whether’

Know exactly where you’re at

When you’re linking DOUBT with THAT;

Speculating? Put together

DOUBT with the conjunction WHETHER.

 

‘Imply’ versus ‘infer’

It does happen that folk try

Saying things with verb IMPLY,

But they do create a stir

When, instead, they use INFER.

 

‘Lose’ versus ‘loose’

I don’t want to LOSE

My lovely LOOSE goose

And find to my cost

My LOOSE goose is lost.

 

Dangling participles

Your position will be abject

If you can’t pinpoint the subject:

You will trip and, in your tangle,

Make your participles dangle.

 

With me’ versus ‘with I’

You must never even try

Saying, “Come with Greg and I”,

For it’s always – you will see –

Always, “Come with Greg and ME”.

 

British versus American spelling

Our spellings, which diverge,

Will not yield to plea or purge;

Cannot hack it, am a goner:

I write ‘honour’ – you write ‘honor’!

 

Full stop with abbreviations

The full stop will look just great

When you cut to abbreviate,

But you leave it out of action

When the word is a contraction.

 

Michael Gove: ‘one of those who has (sic)’ – HAVE needed (see the ditty below)

Certain things just don’t behove

People such as Michael Gove,

Who extremism deftly curbs

But should watch his way with verbs.

 

‘One of those who DOES’ (sic) versus ‘one of those who DO’ (see the ditty above)

Each of those who DOES

Causes mess and fuzz;

Each of those who DO

Is as smart as you.

 

Boots the Chemist

Free prescriptions! You’re in clover

If you’re 60 years AND over.

Boots might find it hard to bear,

But one CAN’T be BOTH, I swear!

 

Favorited – 1*

It’s as clear as is pine dammar

This peculiar Twitter grammar:

FAVORITE’s never been a verb,

So FAVORITED needs a curb.

Favorited – 2*

How do I in rhyme here capture

The dimensions of my rapture?

Been FAVORITED, kid you not,

And am rooted to the spot.

*Twitter declares one ‘favorited’ when one’s post has been selected as a favourite by another Twitter user.

 

Exclamation mark

I’ve a way that’s rather stark

With the exclamation mark,

Which should not be overused,

But I’m Polish: I’m excused!

 

Dictionary

It is really rather scary:

They don’t use a dictionary.

“Dictionary? On yer bike!

English is no bovver, like!”

 

Grammer

Man, them teachers, they, like, hammer

‘Cos we, like, don’ dig no grammer,

But we, like, was always cool

Wiv no single random rule.

 

 

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8 thoughts on “DITTIES – ENGLISH-RELATED

  1. Hi Anna,

    ref: ‘Car valeting – cars and van’s’!

    There is nuffink wrong wiv dis except they ment lorrees 🙂

    Only kidding! You have a very interesting blog, by the way. Keep up the good work 🙂

    Like

    • Fank you! 🙂 I think your blog is great too; I have just subscribed to it. I am Polish (though resident in Britain for over 33 years) but ADORE English and BLEED when it’s mutilated. By the way, I won’t be inflicting myself on readers every day after November, daily posting this month being the challenge which WordPress had set its bloggers and to which I decided to raise.

      Like

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