I have set up this page to share with you a few of the playful English-related ditties I have penned (some specifically for Twitter).
Tweeting under Grammar is fun!@AnnaNolan19
Yesterday, I saw an ad
Which was really, really bad;
I stood gawping in a trance:
‘Car valeting – cars and van’s’!
‘Less’ versus ‘fewer’
Gets me going, I confess,
When I notice ‘ten or LESS’;
‘Ten or FEWER’ – pretty please:
Items, men or bumblebees.
‘Practise’ versus ‘practice’
If you PRACTISE – with an ‘s’ –
What will happen? Have a guess.
You are right – oh joy, oh glee –
You’ll get PRACTICE with a ‘c’.
‘Advise’ versus ‘advice’
Let me offer you a prize
For the ‘s’ in verb ADVISE,
Which is neither smart nor nice
When it’s used in noun ADVICE.
‘Like’ versus ‘as if’
Let me issue an injunction:
LIKE is never a conjunction;
We should use AS IF instead:
“It does look AS IF he’s dead.”
‘Doubt that’ versus ‘doubt whether’
Know exactly where you’re at
When you’re linking DOUBT with THAT;
Speculating? Put together
DOUBT with the conjunction WHETHER.
‘Imply’ versus ‘infer’
It does happen that folk try
Saying things with verb IMPLY,
But they do create a stir
When, instead, they use INFER.
‘Lose’ versus ‘loose’
I don’t want to LOSE
My lovely LOOSE goose
And find to my cost
My LOOSE goose is lost.
Your position will be abject
If you can’t pinpoint the subject:
You will trip and, in your tangle,
Make your participles dangle.
‘With me’ versus ‘with I’
You must never even try
Saying, “Come with Greg and I”,
For it’s always – you will see –
Always, “Come with Greg and ME”.
British versus American spelling
Our spellings, which diverge,
Will not yield to plea or purge;
Cannot hack it, am a goner:
I write ‘honour’ – you write ‘honor’!
Full stop with abbreviations
The full stop will look just great
When you cut to abbreviate,
But you leave it out of action
When the word is a contraction.
Michael Gove: ‘one of those who has (sic)’ – HAVE needed (see the ditty below)
Certain things just don’t behove
People such as Michael Gove,
Who extremism deftly curbs
But should watch his way with verbs.
‘One of those who DOES’ (sic) versus ‘one of those who DO’ (see the ditty above)
Each of those who DOES
Causes mess and fuzz;
Each of those who DO
Is as smart as you.
Boots the Chemist
Free prescriptions! You’re in clover
If you’re 60 years AND over.
Boots might find it hard to bear,
But one CAN’T be BOTH, I swear!
Favorited – 1*
It’s as clear as is pine dammar
This peculiar Twitter grammar:
FAVORITE’s never been a verb,
So FAVORITED needs a curb.
Favorited – 2*
How do I in rhyme here capture
The dimensions of my rapture?
Been FAVORITED, kid you not,
And am rooted to the spot.
*Twitter declares one ‘favorited’ when one’s post has been selected as a favourite by another Twitter user.
I’ve a way that’s rather stark
With the exclamation mark,
Which should not be overused,
But I’m Polish: I’m excused!
It is really rather scary:
They don’t use a dictionary.
“Dictionary? On yer bike!
English is no bovver, like!”
Man, them teachers, they, like, hammer
‘Cos we, like, don’ dig no grammer,
But we, like, was always cool
Wiv no single random rule.