I have set up this page to share with you a few of the playful English-related ditties I have penned (some specifically for Twitter).
Tweeting under Grammar is fun!@AnnaNolan19
Greengrocer’s apostrophe
Yesterday, I saw an ad
Which was really, really bad;
I stood gawping in a trance:
‘Car valeting – cars and van’s’!
‘Less’ versus ‘fewer’
Gets me going, I confess,
When I notice ‘ten or LESS’;
‘Ten or FEWER’ – pretty please:
Items, men or bumblebees.
‘Practise’ versus ‘practice’
If you PRACTISE – with an ‘s’ –
What will happen? Have a guess.
You are right – oh joy, oh glee –
You’ll get PRACTICE with a ‘c’.
‘Advise’ versus ‘advice’
Let me offer you a prize
For the ‘s’ in verb ADVISE,
Which is neither smart nor nice
When it’s used in noun ADVICE.
‘Like’ versus ‘as if’
Let me issue an injunction:
LIKE is never a conjunction;
We should use AS IF instead:
“It does look AS IF he’s dead.”
‘Doubt that’ versus ‘doubt whether’
Know exactly where you’re at
When you’re linking DOUBT with THAT;
Speculating? Put together
DOUBT with the conjunction WHETHER.
‘Imply’ versus ‘infer’
It does happen that folk try
Saying things with verb IMPLY,
But they do create a stir
When, instead, they use INFER.
‘Lose’ versus ‘loose’
I don’t want to LOSE
My lovely LOOSE goose
And find to my cost
My LOOSE goose is lost.
Dangling participles
Your position will be abject
If you can’t pinpoint the subject:
You will trip and, in your tangle,
Make your participles dangle.
‘With me’ versus ‘with I’
You must never even try
Saying, “Come with Greg and I”,
For it’s always – you will see –
Always, “Come with Greg and ME”.
British versus American spelling
Our spellings, which diverge,
Will not yield to plea or purge;
Cannot hack it, am a goner:
I write ‘honour’ – you write ‘honor’!
Full stop with abbreviations
The full stop will look just great
When you cut to abbreviate,
But you leave it out of action
When the word is a contraction.
Michael Gove: ‘one of those who has (sic)’ – HAVE needed (see the ditty below)
Certain things just don’t behove
People such as Michael Gove,
Who extremism deftly curbs
But should watch his way with verbs.
‘One of those who DOES’ (sic) versus ‘one of those who DO’ (see the ditty above)
Each of those who DOES
Causes mess and fuzz;
Each of those who DO
Is as smart as you.
Boots the Chemist
Free prescriptions! You’re in clover
If you’re 60 years AND over.
Boots might find it hard to bear,
But one CAN’T be BOTH, I swear!
Favorited – 1*
It’s as clear as is pine dammar
This peculiar Twitter grammar:
FAVORITE’s never been a verb,
So FAVORITED needs a curb.
Favorited – 2*
How do I in rhyme here capture
The dimensions of my rapture?
Been FAVORITED, kid you not,
And am rooted to the spot.
*Twitter declares one ‘favorited’ when one’s post has been selected as a favourite by another Twitter user.
Hi Anna,
ref: ‘Car valeting – cars and van’s’!
There is nuffink wrong wiv dis except they ment lorrees 🙂
Only kidding! You have a very interesting blog, by the way. Keep up the good work 🙂
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Fank you! 🙂 I think your blog is great too; I have just subscribed to it. I am Polish (though resident in Britain for over 33 years) but ADORE English and BLEED when it’s mutilated. By the way, I won’t be inflicting myself on readers every day after November, daily posting this month being the challenge which WordPress had set its bloggers and to which I decided to raise.
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If I’m honest, I don’t think that my written English is brilliant, but I do make an effort! Thanks for the follow!
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On the contrary: I think it is – it’s very vivid, which is not something all writers can manage (I can’t; that’s why I write only about English usage).
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Hi Anna, love these ditties and the rest of the site. I like the way you use the language so well and add in the humour – a great mixture.
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Aw – what a generous comment; thank you so much! Kind words such as yours definitely spur me on.
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Hilarious! You have quite a thing for the dangling participle 🙂
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Thank you kindly, Ankur! 🙂
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