Humorous verse: Vinnie’s new shed

So as to enhance his street cred,
My Vin got himself a new shed:
Defence shutting out the world’s strife,
Life’s irritations – and the wife …
He beamed with elation and glee,
Then grabbed his transistor*, made tea
And, with the cry: “The match is on,
The Spurs are playing!”, he was gone.
And then for hours, from within,
There issued most enormous din
As Vinnie whooped and wailed and yelped,
Oh how I wished I could have helped
But did not enter (not that brave):
The sign that guards the shed? Man Cave!

*Radio

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Humorous verse: An alien’s lament

British passport – what a prize!
It’s your birthright, lucky guys,
But, to aliens such as me,
It’s as precious as can be,
So I greatly cherish mine,
Which does make me feel so fine
(More so as I am quite skittish),
I’m thus loving being British;
This is why I, with great pride,
Share my status far and wide
Half-expecting a huge cheer;
Enter Ian*, who’d appear
On my walks from time to time
Undertaking the odd climb
(You remember? He’s the guy
Who has rubbished my mince pie);
Ian, hearing me thus boast,
Looked as if he’d seen a ghost:
“British passport? You?? How come???”
What a bummer – and then some:
His demeanour was so shocked
That my world just shook and rocked;
How much more of toil, sweat, grit
Till they see me as a Brit????

 

*I am very fond of Ian, by the way. He has a fabulous sense of humour and is great fun to be around. Although we tease each other, it’s all done in a friendly and playful manner. I’m saying this because he thought he had offended me by his incredulity; in fact, I found his reaction absolutely hilarious. No hard feelings, Ian, I hope.

Humorous verse: Anna’s mishap

A keen fellwalker having the good fortune to be surrounded by breathtakingly beautiful mountains, I lead a fabulous walking group called the Roamers. Well, at least I try to lead them – but sometimes I do manage to lose some of them. As on that infamous occasion at Easter when traffic was heavy, our parking spot had been unexpectedly blocked and my mobile decided to die on me. Unable to communicate with the drivers of several other cars in our group, I contrived to lose one vehicle with its precious cargo of four Roamers. So much for my being a leader …

 

If you heard my moans and groans,

They were all about the cones,

Traffic cones – I kid you not –

Blocking our parking spot;

With no parking to be found,

We drove round and round and round,

All five cars – and all spread out –

Nightmare, without any doubt;

With my mobile on the blink,

I was flustered, couldn’t think

(You go into panic mode

When you’re missing a car-load);

We then started our hike

Without John, Rose, Pam and Mike;

You could not – not if you tried –

Find a soul as mortified

As I was, but I must say

It was John who saved the day!

Sage and with a brilliant mind,

Our John’s one of a kind:

On his gizmo, also smart,

Our route he did – yes! – chart

And, with deftness and no fuss,

Led his party straight to us!

Dearest John, believe you me:

In your debt I’ll always be;

Your computing expertise

Has now put my mind at ease

‘Cos I know that, with your aid,

Roamers cannot get mislaid!

 

 

Humorous verse: Beast from the East

Recently, we’ve been hit by an icy blast from Siberia, dubbed the Beast from the East. This is my humorous take on it.

 

We’ve been blasted by the Beast,

Blown straight over from the East;

Fed by northern polar vortex,

It would slice right through your cortex,

Landing an almighty blow

With its gales and frost and snow,

Blizzards, whiteouts, drifts and ice;

And there was, indeed, a price

If you tried to brave this storm:

You could not stay dry or warm.

So to end up safe and sound,

You wrapped up and went to ground,

Keeping all essentials handy,

Namely whiskey, rum and brandy;

Soon, your innards were ablaze,

With you swaying in a haze,

Feeling comfy, snug and cosy,

Both your cheeks and nose quite rosy;

This is how (you get my drift?)

Best to deal with Putin’s ‘gift’.