Humorous verse: Valentine’s Day

Copyright © Anna Nolan, 2020

 

Unless you are in a pair,

It’s a rather sad affair:

All these hearts and fluffy stuff

Make today’s occasion tough;

 

It’s a fest of coupledom,

Glorified on Love.com;

But reflect on it a tad,

It is really not that bad;

 

First, there is a perk of note:

A control of one’s remote,

Which is sole and absolute;

You may wish to switch to mute,

 

You may channel-surf at will,

You may gorge on sport and chill,

Watch a thriller or a weepie

Or delight in something creepy.

 

You may also, on a whim,

Fly to Tonga for a swim,

Go skydiving in Dubai

With no need for a goodbye,

 

Or hang gliding in Japan

Without flouting any ban;

You may even, if you wish,

Dedicate yourself to fish.

 

You could dye your hair bright-red

Or play solitaire in bed,

Relocate to the Bahamas

Or – just veg in your pyjamas.

 

Trust me, you will do just fine

Sans a special Valentine,

And, besides, there’s every chance

Of tomorrow’s hot romance.

 

Then you’ll really have a blast,

But, when several years have passed,

Some of you may feel undone,

Musing, freedom was quite fun!

Satirical verse: Christmas 2019

Copyright © Anna Nolan, 2019

 

Christmas is approaching, so

Our mode is go, go, go!

We must buy a lot of stuff

To ensure we have enough

 

Of the lovely festive fare

That imbues our feast with flair.

First, we have to make a list

To make sure that nothing’s missed.

 

Nothing must be left to chance,

So we’re in a Yuletide trance

Mobilising our grey matter:

Number one is shellfish platter,

 

Then comes lobster (must be dressed) –

Thermidor’s by far the best –

We will serve it with cheese crust

(Adding brandy is a must).

 

Crab and avocado spheres

Always raise the wildest cheers,

And we will, without a fluster,

Purchase salmon with gold lustre;

 

As for tasty Christmas snacks,

You can’t beat ricotta stacks,

Chocolate bark, pork sausage rolls,

Christmas crack and brandy balls.

 

Now come mains: we’ll get the bird –

Fifty-pounder is preferred;

If we source a smaller one,

We will still not be outdone

 

‘Cos we’ll also buy a goose

(Serving it with pumpkin mousse);

Better still: a three-bird roast

Will upstage (yay!) every host,

 

Which is why we’ll source a duck,

Common Pochard (with some luck);

We might also get a grouse:

There’s no scrimping in our house!

 

Then there’s meats: a wild boar joint

Always, always makes a point,

Venison does go down well

With our type of clientele,

 

So does veal and British beef

(Roast the latter with bay leaf);

For our Fred, it’s Herdwick lamb;

We must also get some ham.

 

So as not to face rebuffing,

We’ll make sage & onion stuffing

And avoid a frightful tarnish

Having twenty types of garnish.

 

Now come sweets: our Christmas pud

Always puts us in the mood,

So does panna cotta jelly

(It was even on the telly).

 

Our festive stollen slices

Will be filled with various spices,

While our passion fruit dessert

Won’t have equals, we assert.

 

As for Christmas Rainbow Cake,

It’s not all that hard to make,

Nor are port-and-rum mice pies:

Baking ninety would be wise.

 

One would have to be a nutter

Not to relish brandy butter:

Extra-thick, it’s always yummy,

Satisfying every tummy,

 

Whereas brandy pouring cream

Is a treat that is supreme;

Twenty pints might just suffice:

To run out would not be nice.

 

It is more than just a hunch:

We’ll require Christmas punch,

Eggnog, sangria, party fizz

(They help oil our Christmas quiz);

 

Krug champagne is always cool:

We must source it for this Yule,

Also gin, port, rum and whisky

(Though they make our Fred quite frisky).

 

It is hoped that, come what may,

This will last till Boxing Day.

What is more, we’ve had a ball

With a treat to top them all,

 

Which did whet our appetite.

What was it? A plebiscite!

Yes, we’ve had, dear girls and boys,

An election – joy of joys!

 

Satirical verse: Eco warrior

Copyright © Anna Nolan, 2019

 

Most important of your missions?

Cutting CO2 emissions;

Your ideals are exalted:

Global warming must be halted.

 

Therefore, in your eco war,

You will fly to Singapore

For a summit aiming to

Figure out just what to do.

 

Boeing really is the best:

It has wings and all the rest

And will, in no time at all,

Fly you anywhere long haul.

 

(Intercontinental jaunts

Are not what, quite frankly, daunts

Eco warriors of your kind,

With grave matters on their mind.)

 

On return (you’ve just touched down),

There are rallies round your town,

So you jump into your car;

Walk a mile? That’s way too far!

 

Then there’s* sit-ins, so that you

Can affix yourself with glue

To the pavement – with the call:

“Save the Planet, one and all!”

 

Thus you toil, without a break,

So you do deserve a steak,

Thick and juicy – just the thing:

All this iron boosts your zing.

 

You do feel some guilt (a smidge)

Looking at your walk-in fridge;

You would ditch it if you could,

But it serves a greater good.

 

As for your wood-burner – it

Looks so cosy when it’s lit,

So you settle with your plate,

Quite contented, feeling great,

 

For, with pride within your heart,

You believe you’ve played a part

In (though this might seem quite strange)

Just averting climate change.

 

*Well, it should be there are, of course, but if the lovely natives freely indulge in the likes of there’s us, so can an alien – particularly on the grounds of poetic scanning (though poetic may be stretching it a tad in verses such as this).

 

Verse: Flowers

FLOWERS 005.JPG

 

Copyright © Anna Nolan, 2019

 

Snowdrops, delicate and pale,

Carpet the entire vale

As the winter, now apace,

Loosens its robust embrace.

 

Milder weather drawing near,

Crocuses will soon appear –

Purple, lilac, orange, white,

They are an enchanting sight;

 

And when daffs erupt, we’ll all

Watch their gleeful dance – in thrall;

May means bluebells, and their hue,

Often called electric blue,

 

Will entrance you, make you swoon

As they drape their fine festoon

Right across sun-dappled glades,

Where they vie with verdant blades.

 

Later, summer blooms galore

Will delight you even more,

Their sweet scent (beyond compare)

Wafting gently in the air.

 

All this riot, day by day,

Simply takes one’s breath away;

It’s a wildly joyous fest:

Mother Nature at her best!