As my Brexit-inspired satire continues, here is my mini-glossary for those reading this post outside Great Britain.
UKIP stands for the UK Independence Party, which is a Eurosceptic and right-wing populist political party in Great Britain. The party strongly opposes immigration, pledging to reduce it to zero within five years. Incidentally, the wife (alluded to below) of the party’s former leader (who is a great fan of President Trump) is German.
Brexit refers to the British exit from the European Union, narrowly voted for in the 2016 EU membership referendum. Brexit has bitterly divided the country, and even the government cannot seem to agree what sort of Brexit it wants. Needless to say, Europe is baffled …
We don’t want no immigration
To pollute this brilliant nation;
We were once the purest race
Which this Mother Earth did grace
(Sorry, there is one correction:
German wives are an exception),
But the EU plots and schemes
To extinguish our dreams
About being alien-free
In this land of ours – see?
Our challenge is immense –
We must mount a bold defence.
When we seal our porous border
We’ll restore all law and order,
And, to pick our fruit and veg,
We will summon good old Reg
(He is 80 – did we mention? –
This will help him boost his pension).
We will stop most foreign aid
And engage in global trade
Beyond EU neighbourhood
(North Korea would be good),
Plus, in line with our agendum,
We will rule by referendum.
Also (you’ll be filled with glee),
We will let you park for free*
When you do your weekly shop
(We don’t reckon it’s a sop:
As an ordinary Brit,
You’ll be rather badly hit**).
Even if our gut gets busted,
We want to be done and dusted
By the end of next year – max;
See how neatly all this stacks?
(We can – by all indicators –
Trust our clever negotiators.)
To take charge of our laws,
We must rally to the cause
With a zealous incantation:
“We are here to save our nation,
And, in Donald’s dazzling vein,
We’ll make Britain great again!”
*For at least 30 minutes
**In your pocket
Wanna know – that’s by the way –
What folk Googled the next day***?
“What’s this construct called EU?”
You are laughing? It is true;
Still, we say: “You know the score,
That’s**** what you have voted for.”
***After the 2016 referendum on Britain’s EU membership
****Whatever that is; if the government still (at the beginning of 2018) can’t agree about what sort of Brexit it wants (hard, soft or anything in-between), you can jolly well make up your own wish list and announce that this is exactly what you have voted for – hey ho!