Satirical verse: A recommendation

DSC01073.JPG

My book of jocular verse (sprinkled with comic-prose pieces) is now well and truly finished, and I have embarked on a hunt for an agent (and, ultimately, publisher). I fear, however, that the endeavour might prove somewhat frustrating: certain agents, it would appear, expect clients to be recommended by somebody. In other words, publishers want writers to be recommended by agents, and agents want writers to be recommended by … somebody. Does this somebody expect writers to be recommended by somebody else? Hence the satire below.

 

Copyright © Anna Nolan, 2020

 

All of them are godlike creatures

Seeking quite ground-breaking features –

All those folk who publish books:

It’s much harder than it looks,

 

So for impact one must brace,

And one’s book must be plain ace;

One thus polishes and tinkers,

Trying hard to shed one’s blinkers,

 

Then, at long last, the book’s ready:

It’s a feeling that is heady,

But one must, and without fail,

Go pursue the holy grail:

 

Oh, to see the book in print

And, perhaps, to make a mint!

Now, what do those Masters want?

First of all,  it’s Arial font,

 

Fifty pages. Spacing? Double,

A synopsis – that’s no trouble,

But make sure it’s just one page;

Otherwise, they’ll disengage.

 

Now, the letter, and that’s it:

You are ready to submit!

Then you notice (you’ve been slow):

“Agents only” – what a blow!

 

Agents are deities, too:

They’ll be wanting something new;

What is it that they demand?

Times New Roman will be grand,

 

Spacing? One line and a half,

Then they want a paragraph

Which is paramount and which

Is your elevator pitch.

 

A synopsis has to be

Rather longer; your CV

Must, of course, be tailor-made,

Or you’ll never make the grade.

 

It’s three chapters they are after;

Though you a good re-drafter,

You express yourself in verse –

It has gone from bad to worse.

 

Then you see (to top it all)

A decree that makes you bawl:

“We’ll consider your creation –

After a recommendation.”

 

But who from? To whom to turn?

You can’t hide your great concern.

It transpires they prefer

Someone who’s a connoisseur,

 

But you work in solitude:

You feel well and truly s…..d,

Mercifully, you then find

Someone who’s a mastermind

 

In your local pub-quiz team;

They might help you with your scheme.

You enquire, your heart racing,

“Are you happy with my spacing?”

 

“Spacing? Why? It’s all the same;

What’s at stake is my good name.”

“But I cannot understand:

I just want a helping hand.”

 

“This is what they all would say,

But I might just rue the day;

Now, imagine this scenario:

Not unlike an impresario,

 

“I do offer you my backing,

But the Agent finds you lacking!

It would not be very nice;

Listen to this sound advice:

 

“You must find a man who would

Come to me and vouch you’re good.”

You’re distraught but say, “I see,

“So who might this person be?”

 

“I would like a weighty beast:

A policeman or a priest.”

“I know neither but could nab

Garry from the taxicab …”

 

And so, on and on it goes,

Which, quite evidently, shows

How this, most amazing, nation

Values a recommendation.

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s