Copyright © Anna Nolan, 2019
Christmas is approaching, so
Our mode is go, go, go!
We must buy a lot of stuff
To ensure we have enough
Of the lovely festive fare
That imbues our feast with flair.
First, we have to make a list
To make sure that nothing’s missed.
Nothing must be left to chance,
So we’re in a Yuletide trance
Mobilising our grey matter:
Number one is shellfish platter,
Then comes lobster (must be dressed) –
Thermidor’s by far the best –
We will serve it with cheese crust
(Adding brandy is a must).
Crab and avocado spheres
Always raise the wildest cheers,
And we will, without a fluster,
Purchase salmon with gold lustre;
As for tasty Christmas snacks,
You can’t beat ricotta stacks,
Chocolate bark, pork sausage rolls,
Christmas crack and brandy balls.
Now come mains: we’ll get the bird –
Fifty-pounder is preferred;
If we source a smaller one,
We will still not be outdone
‘Cos we’ll also buy a goose
(Serving it with pumpkin mousse);
Better still: a three-bird roast
Will upstage (yay!) every host,
Which is why we’ll source a duck,
Common Pochard (with some luck);
We might also get a grouse:
There’s no scrimping in our house!
Then there’s meats: a wild boar joint
Always, always makes a point,
Venison does go down well
With our type of clientele,
So does veal and British beef
(Roast the latter with bay leaf);
For our Fred, it’s Herdwick lamb;
We must also get some ham.
So as not to face rebuffing,
We’ll make sage & onion stuffing
And avoid a frightful tarnish
Having twenty types of garnish.
Now come sweets: our Christmas pud
Always puts us in the mood,
So does panna cotta jelly
(It was even on the telly).
Our festive stollen slices
Will be filled with various spices,
While our passion fruit dessert
Won’t have equals, we assert.
As for Christmas Rainbow Cake,
It’s not all that hard to make,
Nor are port-and-rum mice pies:
Baking ninety would be wise.
One would have to be a nutter
Not to relish brandy butter:
Extra-thick, it’s always yummy,
Satisfying every tummy,
Whereas brandy pouring cream
Is a treat that is supreme;
Twenty pints might just suffice:
To run out would not be nice.
It is more than just a hunch:
We’ll require Christmas punch,
Eggnog, sangria, party fizz
(They help oil our Christmas quiz);
Krug champagne is always cool:
We must source it for this Yule,
Also gin, port, rum and whisky
(Though they make our Fred quite frisky).
It is hoped that, come what may,
This will last till Boxing Day.
What is more, we’ve had a ball
With a treat to top them all,
Which did whet our appetite.
What was it? A plebiscite!
Yes, we’ve had, dear girls and boys,
An election – joy of joys!