This verse satirises the recent car-crash interview given by Prince Andrew, in which he attempted to justify his friendship with a convicted sex offender Jeffery Epstein. The interview attracted widespread incredulity and ridicule – and with good reason.
Copyright © Anna Nolan, 2019
Cripes, what an imponderable
That one oh-so honourable
Should be subject of such panning;
This is not what one’d been planning.
One is simply flabbergasted
To have been put down, lambasted;
Where’s the nation’s gratitude
For one’s famous aptitude?
You must feel, deep down within:
One can’t stay at Premier Inn –
A mansion is what one does need
(One must be mindful of one’s breed).
It may be full of household staff,
But one would never make a gaffe
Of giving them a fleeting glance;
They were all naked? Quite by chance!
Maybe Jeff was “unbecoming”,
But one never saw it coming;
To one, he was just a chum,
And one never has been dumb,
Neither has one been a drip,
Always showing leadership:
One is, clearly, quite aware
How to ditch a billionaire.
One’s weekends are spent a-shooting,
Why should this now need refuting?
And one’s vivid recollection
Is of showing no affection.
Woking does a decent pizza,
But it’s not exactly Ritz – a?
And so one remembers well
All the details – can’t you tell?
One had let one’s side, um, down,
But they really went to town –
British media (damn the lot):
They are like a juggernaut.
It’s a most horrific whammy,
But a ride with one’s own mammy
Might just soften them a tad,
After all, one’s not a cad:
Au contraire: one’s virtue – pure;
And to think one must endure
Such appalling balderdash
And give up a birthday bash!
How did it all go so awry?
One has to face the FBI;
It is as bad as it can get,
And one can’t even break a sweat!