“Wow, that’s amazing: it must have made medical history.”

“What have you been reading – The American Journal of Sociology, by any chance?”

“Why?”

“Because they wrote that married people were less likely to die than singles – ha, ha, ha!”

“Well, at least my immortality is in the bag.”

“And mine! But I’d better quit having a go at my lawfully wedded over using a cloth that’s just been on heavy duty round the lavatory for wiping the kitchen worktop with – just in case.”

“Hmm, you might have a point there, though our marital harmony is imperilled by who will do the hoovering – mostly.”

“Yep, that’s also a bugger. You know what the moral is?”

“What?”

 “If you fancy living forever, hire a cleaner.”

“But not a nubile 20-year-old blonde from Latvia.”

“No, no, God forbid! But you were saying – about this medical history?”

“Oh yes, yes, I reckon it’s a medical miracle.”

“A medical miracle?”

“Undoubtedly.”

“Go on.”

“Well, I’ve been reading this Daily Telegraph.”

“And?”

“That’s what they wrote.”

“He passed his driving test first time at the age of 17, bought a van and was soon making a good living repairing washing machines despite his crumpled body.”

 “So? I’m not with you: many disabled people are very successful in life – what sort of miracle is that?”

“No, no, but it’s not that.”

“Well, obviously they got muddled over ‘first time’, but …”

“No, no, it’s not that either.”

“Wait a minute, wait a minute, but it does make you wonder how old he was when he passed his driving test for the second time.”

“No, no …”

“Yes, yes: they should have written ‘at the first attempt’ or something along those lines.”

“I know, I know, but I haven’t finished yet!”

“You haven’t? Sorry.”

“Just listen: the next sentence went like this.”

 “That same year, he married and had two children, Anne-Marie, now 33, and Philip, 31.”

 “W-h-a-a-a-t?”

“You see?”

“Blow me down – I certainly do!”