Daily Frolic 8: Owls and politicians

“Goodness me!”

“What’s the matter?”

“Your education.”

“My education?” There is nothing wrong with my education, thank you very much. In fact, it’s very …”

“No, no, I mean British education.”

“British education? British education is OK, actually. Granted, even 11 years’ compulsory schooling leaves some unfortunates with the communicative arsenal largely comprising stuff such as: ‘Them should of done it’, ‘If you hadn’t have seen’, ‘She has wrote to them guys’, but, on the whole, it’s not too bad.”

“God help the students!”

“No, no, it’s only some folk; most are fine.”

“But how can they be fine if they are being failed by schools you call excellent?”

“Excellent? Look, you are not making any sense.”

“It’s not me – look what they wrote in The Financial Times; I’ve found this in your collection.”

“There are amazing secondary schools in my constituency … but one of them was consistently failing its pupils.”

“Oh, that was Ed Milliband.”

“Who is he?”

“The leader of the Labour Party. But he didn’t mean it like this.”

“I thought politicians always said what they meant.”

“Hmmm, don’t know about that. But, anyway, what he was trying to say was this.”

There are many amazing secondary schools in my constituency … but a few are not, and one of them was consistently failing its pupils.

 “A-a-a-a; that’s better. But how could he possibly …”

“Look, he’s not the only one.”

“He is not?”

“Nope. Some people just forget to put their brain into gear. But at least speakers have an excuse – you can’t rewind and edit; writers don’t. Look what they wrote in The Sunday Times.

“Boy babies are more likely to die in their first year, and later on they’re more likely to perish in dangerous sports.”

“What dangerous sports? When you are a baby, it can’t go far beyond a raspberry-blowing contest, surely. Or a dummy-spitting competition.”

“Quite. And this one was in The Daily Telegraph.

“As the journalists approached the door, a Tupac Amaru rebel on the inside shouted a largely inaudible message, denying that they were terrorists and repeating rebel demands that their jailed comrades be freed.”

 “Blimey, those journalists – better than owls.”

“Owls?”

“Their incredible hearing, I mean.”

“You’re not kidding – grasping all those details without being able to hear anything! Or maybe it was just journalistic licence – you never know with these guys. Anyway, I have another one from The Sunday Times.

“The pressures of the media made it impossible for me to stay at home where I was inundated with letters of support.”

 “An out-of-body experience, ha, ha, ha!”

“And this was …”

“Just a sec, just a sec, what’s that smell?”

“Oh my God, I forgot the oven: it’s our roast beef – quick, quick!”

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3 thoughts on “Daily Frolic 8: Owls and politicians

    • Thank you so much; I’m absolutely delighted that you find my little skits entertaining. I hope to smuggle a bit more grammar (but not too much!) into some of the ones I’m planning to write in future, but, because I’m posting daily in November, I’m trying to make these posts as light-hearted as possible. And I imagine that the steady stream of howlers such as these will continue flowing unimpeded; it will be a mine I’m poised to exploit. Hold on, hold on – can a stream suddenly become a mine? (I wrote this on purpose, by the way )

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