Isn’t scientific research a true marvel? A few years back, the venerable Sunday Times hit Britain with this revelation from across the pond.

Married people are less likely to die than singles, reports the American Journal of Sociology.

Since I live in the state of holy matrimony, I smugly waved the article right under the nose of my lawfully wedded. Whether this action was accompanied by my enquiry into the progress of a range of domestic jobs on the list I had presented him with some time previously I cannot exactly recall, but, anyway, isn’t compliance a small price to pay for immortality? I dashed off to purchase the best champagne the family budget would stretch to, only to be hit with an awful suspicion that something might have been lost in translation – such as the adverb ‘prematurely’, for example. Alas, it was too late: the champagne had already been acquired. At least it was on special offer: £29.99 down from £49.99.